Well, well, well….. Christmas time and the television was dreadful, so much to the point we actually watched EastEnders, a very popular soap on the BBC.
The well known actor, Danny Dyer, plays Mick the publican who runs the Queen Victoria Public House, known as the Queen Vic’.
A Cockney by birth, both my partner and I watched the Christmas episode with our jaws dropping by the minute! We were brought up with Cockney rhyming slang and neither of us could work out what was being said, half the time. My friends and followers across the pond would have no chance!
My friend Carol told me that one of her friends who is also an East Ender is totally embarrassed by Danny Dyer and his version of “Cockney rhyming slang”. Putting our heads together we have come up with the following translations to aid in deciphering just exactly what Danny Dyer means:
TREACLE
We think he means treacle tart, as many years ago, women were called tarts after the pretty cakes and tarts seen in baker shop windows. At the time, this was meant as a compliment, but obviously nowadays it would be totally inappropriate, but this, we think this is Danny’s take on this. ‘Allo Treekall is how he pronounces it.
KETTLE
“That’s a nice kettle” – ? This took us some time to work out. We think in Dyer speak a kettle relates to a kettle and hob which equals fob and refers to a fob watch, which gentlemen used to wear years ago.
A lovely example of a fob or pocket watch
20 BAGS
Okay, we can’t stop watching it now! Last night saw Dyer talking about a diamond ring and said it was worth “twenty bags”?
Twenty bags? We worked it out that he meant twenty thousand pounds and that a bag meant a bag of sand which is a grand or £1,000.00! You really do need your wits about you.
SWEET AS OR SWEET
This translates to sweet as a nut, but is abbreviated and is rhyming slang.
SYRUP
This translates to syrup and fig which means a wig and is recognised Cockney rhyming slang.
Apples – whatever you fancy – I used 6 Bramleys. You can use whatever apples you want, a mix of coking and eating works as will any type you fancy
Dark brown muscavado sugar and caster sugar
Ground cinnamon
1 egg, beaten or egg wash mixture (milk and egg mixed) for glazing
Juice of 1 lemon
A splash of Calvados, if you wish and no children will be eating the pie. This does add a super richness and depth to the pie but can just as easily be omitted if you prefer.
Equipment:
A nice oven proof pie dish – Mine came from Waitrose and cost about a tenner
A peeler
A saucepan
METHOD:
Spread out one of the pastry sheets and sprinkle cinnamon over it as per pic:
I used a pastry brush to spread the powder evenly over the surface of the pastry as below:
Peel and core your apples, I peel mine then cut them into four around the core or you can use a corer if you have one. Pop the apples into a saucepan with a few drops of lemon juice and caster sugar to suit your taste. Cook until softened a tad, I like to keep mine quite firm but you can cook to mush if you prefer.
Let the apples cook whilst you roll up the pastry sheet as below:
Roll up quite tightly and repeat with the other pastry sheet. Once the apple mixture has cooled a bit, cut one of the pastry rolls into pieces about 1cm wide all along the length. Pop the cut pieces in between two pieces of greaseproof paper and roll out:
Roll until you have pastry large enough to line your chosen pie dish and fit pastry to dish and trim:
Put your apple mixture into the pie dish: Roll out the other sheet exactly the same, and cover the pie and trim. Brush with your chosen glaze and oven cook for at least twenty minutes in your Aga,middle shelf with cold shelf above, or it will burn, an electric oven at 200 degrees or gas Mark 4 until golden. Serve with a sprinkling of the muscavado sugar if desired and custard, cream or ice cream. Enjoy!
Firstly you will need a good butcher. I use Hards family butchers in Halstead, Essex.
INGREDIENTS:
A mixture of minced chuck, brisket, short rib and beef fat. I used 30% of the beef with 10% fat. You may wish to up or down the fat content as mine came out rather fatty, but then I did fry these and they would have been better on a bbq or grilled.
The beef
Season the meat well and mix together. Form into balls and then flatten to make patties. That’s all there is to it. These are the tastiest burgers you will find and they work out really cheap – around £1.60 each for a 4oz burger.
Cook to your liking – current health and safety stipulates that beef mince should be cooked well done, but I take no notice as I like mine pink in the middle, or medium, but its your burger and your choice.
I serve mine in brioche buns, lightly toasted with lettuce, tomato, sliced gherkin, onion rings and a few chipppies.
If you are unfortunate enough to have suffered or are suffering from the nasty cold that is currently going around, here are a couple of simple soup recipes, which whilst won’t fix the cold, they will help to make you feel better and put some goodness into you, as well as helping towards your five a day!
GREEN GOODNESS POWER SOUP
Ingredients:
Onion(s)
Head of brocolli
Bag of baby spinach
Head of celery
Peas – fresh or frozen, doesn’t matter
Ready or home made chicken and or vegetable stock (I use a mix of both)
Clove or two of garlic
You will need a large saucepan and a hand mixer or blender
METHOD:
In a large frying pan fry off the onion(s) in a small amount of olive oil, just to soften rather than colour. Roughly chop the broccoli (neatness doesn’t matter as all the ingredients will be mushed later on), chuck it in the pan.
Once softened, add the peas and the chicken and vegetable stocks. Boil to soften the peas, if fresh, then add the baby spinach. Let this soften and wilt then turn off the heat and let it cool for a while.
When cooler, use a hand mixer to mush it all up to a consistency you like. I make mine reasonably course. This is a real power soup and will help your immune system cope with the nasty cold.
I put a portion in a bowl and microwave it for a minute or two.
JEWISH PENICILLIN – The ultimate comfort soup
Chicken soup, known fondly as Jewish penicillin, is widely known as the cure for everything from coughs and colds to broken hearts. Every Jewish family will have its own take on this recipe, here are my two versions. Whilst using a whole chicken will feed a family for days, I prefer to use the second recipe utiising the carcass of a previously roasted bird.
INGREDIENTS:
The best you can buy chicken, I get mine from a local farmer
4 Onions
4 Carrots
Few sticks celery
1 Tomato
Couple of springs of thyme
2 Bay leaves
2 Cloves of garlic
Chicken stock – your own, packet or cube. The best ones are kosher, if you can get them
You will need a large pot big enough to take the chicken and water.
METHOD:
After washing the chicken thoroughly, pop it into the pot with enough water it and bring to the boil. Skim off any frothy scum, lower the heat and simmer for thirty minutes.
Add the chopped vegetables, including the tomato, with the thyme, stock and bay leaves, bring back to the boil and skim off any fatty froth and reserve, if making matzo balls (see below). Simmer for one hour.
Remove the chicken from the soup and allow to cool until you can handle it enough to remove the meat from the bones. Pop the meat back into the soup and then I use my hand mixer to mush this all up, although it can be left ‘as is’.
Noodles and or matzo balls can be added to the soup before putting the chicken meat back in. Jewish noodles (lokshen) or spaghetti can be added, or matzo balls, which are matzo crackers mushes to a powder or matzo meal mixed with 4 tablespoons of the chicken fat gleaned from the poaching liquor, 2 large egss mixed with 140 gms matzo meal. Mix well and pop into the fridge for half an hour. When cool, ball into around twenty balls which will increase in size during the cooking process, simmering them in the soup mixture for twenty minutes or so.
ALTERNATIVELY:
The ingredients are the same except use a chicken carcass from a previously roasted bird.
METHOD:
Boil the carcass in water with a carrot, a celery stick, a tomato (adds a nice colour to the stock, onion, bay leaf and a couple of thyme springs. Bring to the boil and simmer for twenty minutes or so.
Allow to cool slightly and discard all veggies but retain the carcass until cold enough to pick off any remaining meat.
Follow method above although if using matzo balls, you will have to improvise with the chicken fat unless you were organised enough to retain any from the original roasting.
Again, I mush mine using a hand mixer, but of course, this can be left ‘as is’.
This soup, however made, is a true comfort food of the highest order – hunker down on the sofa, wrap yourself in a lovely throw, a bit of telly and a bowl of this soup – fantastic!
Use January and February to get your diaries and outfits organised for the forthcoming British season. I have included some ‘non-season’ events as well as they are all really part and parcel of our spring/summer and I enjoy them! Dress codes have also been included for your guidance and to ensure you don’t look, to coin a popular Londoners phrase “a proper lemon”.
FEBRUARY
14th St Valentine’s Day: A complete commercial rip off, if you ask me, best avoided.
MARCH
Here we go with the first major sporting/social event of the year. The World famous Cheltenham Festival takes place from the 13th until 16th March. The 13th is Champion Day, named after the Champion Hurdle race. The 14th is Ladies Day, the 15th is St Patricks Day and the 16th is the famous Cheltenham Gold Cup day.
Dress code is tweed, tweed, more tweed and fur. Hats, for both ladies and gentlemen, are a must, as are gloves and good boots. Cheltenham can be very cold and wet, so ensure you are warm and comfortable. Trust me, this is not the place for those vertiginous high heels.
APRIL
The greatest steeple chase in the world, April sees the Grand National meeting at Aintree on 12th-14th April with the great race taking place on 14th April.
The dress code here is a tricky one. Personally, subject to the weather, which in April can be random, I would plump for a lighter version of the Cheltenham attire. A lot of the race goers here wear, what one would basically call, evening dresses, strappy little numbers with the highest heels you can imagine. Totally unsuitable in my opinion, but they are youngsters and if they want to freeze their tits off, its their call. You will see them teetering around on their heelies and the heels sinking into the grass – not a good look, but rather amusing to watch, particularly as the majority of them are as drunk as skunks.
MAY
May sees the Mitsubishi Motors Badminton Horse Trials, held on 2nd-6th May. Badminton is not really part of ‘the season’ but it is a social as well as major sporting event in the British calendar. The most popular day is the Saturday, which is cross country day, and is also the busiest. The shopping here is amazing and there are plenty of eateries and bars to keep you happy.
T
The ever popular water jump in front of Badminton House, top rider Andrew Nicholson on board. Photograph courtesy of Mitsubishi Motors and photographer Kit Houghton, with warm thanks.
The dress code here is anything from Joules or Barbour, good walking boots and wet weather gear. A Labrador or terrier are compulsory accessories; make sure they are always on secure leads at all times!
Glyndebourne Festival – 19th May – 26th August:
RHS Chelsea flower show – 22-26th May
June – Epsom Derby – 2nd June – 239th running –
Hickstead Derby – 21-24th June
Royal Ascot – 19th 23rd June
Henley Royal Regatta – 4-8th July
Wimbledon – 2-15th July, Cartier International Polo 24th July Sunday – Coronation Cup
Rolex British Grand Prix – 5-8th July, Glorious Goodwood 31st July 4th August, Qatar
Well some months have passed since my first Giving Up the Evil Weed blog 1 was written.
Still puffing? Well, yes, I had been, to be honest. Probably up to as many as 20 a day, on a bad day.
I recently went on holiday with a new friend, a non-smoker, although smoking did not bother her.
As the holiday progressed, my dreadful smokers cough got worse and worse. We were in Northern Cyprus, where everyone smokes like chimneys and the fags are really cheap. One night, one of the natives, also a smoker, heard me coughing, and said to me “Lynn, do you really want to meet your Grandad? You have one foot in the grave” Well, that hit home, I can tell you!
I watched my smoking after that and got them down to about 5 per day.
With the guys words ringing in my head, I have just about managed to give up with the aid of patches and a ‘vape’, which I rarely use, but it reassures me, as it’s always there if I need it. It has been four weeks since my return from holiday and I am determined to give up totally.
I have had to give it up before it gave me up, which is why I am writing this, in the hope it will help you too.
To precis the whole exercise, the initial problem was breaking the habit. You can do this just by thinking about the situations you are in when you smoke. Avoid these situations whenever you can. Also avoid smoking friends for a while a I have one very good friend I have purposely avoided during this period, as I KNOW I will be vulnerable. I will wait until I am stronger and more in control before I see her. In situations where you CAN smoke, i.e. outside the ‘pub with a drink with smokers – avoid like the plague.
Once that’s cracked you have to address the cravings for which there are untold aids out there – use them. You are not a failure if you use them, they are there for a reason and that is to help stop you smoking. I do still get the odd craving now “I need a fag” – no I don’t. I distract myself and the craving soon passes.
None of this has been easy, believe me, in fact its been the hardest thing I have ever undertaken, but you can do it if you put your mind to it.
Now for the sad bit. Habit, cracked it. Cravings, pretty much cracked, with my patches and ‘vape’. As a long term smoker I often think to myself “I am going for a fag” which is when I have to remind myself I no longer smoke. This is when the whole emptiness takes hold. What do I do with myself, I felt bereaved. There was this huge hole where smoking used to be! Surely I hadn’t spent that amount of time smoking? This does pass, as has just happened to me. Just last week I was at a loss, felt depressed and down and felt something was missing from my life. This week, I am through it and feel really good.
I look much better, no longer cough (hah got that foot out of the grave), no longer snore (so I am told, how attractive) and can actually breathe without wheezing. My skin looks a lot better too, my skin had started to resemble a tortoise’s shell! I’ve also got back my sense of smell.
Keep with the programme, it really is a horrible habit. It is a long and windy, rocky road you will travel but like the old Chinese proverb says “it is often better to journey than to arrive”, in this case arrival is what it’s all about! Good Luck!
The mice will play alright! I have personal experience of this within my business and others I have come into contact with.
The author showing middleweight show hunter Below Zero at Royal Windsor Horse Show
IT HAPPENED TO ME
I started a business from scratch back in the 1990s. At the time IBM were the main IT providers to retail and the financial industry. A market existed for second hand IBM refurbished equipment as for smaller users to buy new was cost prohibitive.
Of course, there was a market for other manufacturers equipment, in which I specialised.
I grew the company to a turnover in the region of £700k per annum, having worked my butt off over several years.
Personally, my interest was all things equine and I had a show hunter I showed at County level as well as a Doberman who was also a show dog. My problem was time, for example, if the horse went to Royal Windsor on the Thursday, invariably the dog would be back at Windsor on the Saturday or Sunday. I travelled all over the country with these beasts!
I decided I ‘deserved’ some time out and recruited a manager. I paid her well, £25k per annum (a lot of money at the time) plus 10% commission on any profits she made, so she was earning more than me, but hey ho.
Off I went in my huge gold lorry, nicknamed Goldfinger, all over the country, really believing I could take some serious time out.
To cut a long story short, I caught her stealing from me. Not only had she set up her own company to rival mine, she was nicking deals from my company to give to hers, which was run by her boyfriend. After I sacked her she then had the audacity to take me to an employment tribunal!
Karma came – the boyfriend was caught red handed trashing my loading bay on camera and got nicked, she lost the tribunal, he then had a heart attack and her business went bust – good riddance to bad eggs.
DENNIS’ STORY
The next batch of mice came around the same time. I used a hairdresser who ran a tight ship. I used to go there at least once a week and spent fortunes in there, over a period of years.
The owner, like me, decided to take some time out. Probably a couple of months after his initial ‘time out’ started, the service started to get sloppy. One of the girls put a colour on my hair I did not like. When, the following week I asked her to change it, she went mad – totally unprofessional – I haven’t been back there since.
Needless to say, the owner, realising the folly of his ways is now back at the helm, where he belongs.
SWANNING AROUND
The third case happened to me recently. I found a local ‘gastro’ type pub/restaurant which was initially first class. The place had a party like atmosphere, brilliant food and impeccable service.
I have been back there numerous times and over the last two years, particularly the service has declined. There are still one or two good members of staff, but the newer recruits – well, what can I say? We visited a couple of weeks ago, mid week, expecting to have supper after an early evening watching the Summer Solstice morris dancing. Yes, we arrived a couple of minutes past 9. We walked into the bar and the handful of people present all swivelled round and the girl behind the bar totally ignored us. Unbelievable. We asked if we could get some supper to be told “no”. No sorry or explanation whatsoever. Yes, it was mid week and guess what? Senior Management were taking time out!
HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW
The fourth and last case concerns, again, my current hairdressers. I have been going there for four years and love going there, the resultant superb hair, the beauty treatments and the whole ‘joie de vivre’ atmosphere.
Until recently that is. Yes, you guessed it, the owner is taking time out and has put in a young manager, who at Christmastime split with her long term partner. Oh dear! You now walk into an atmosphere like a wall of ice. The girls are all obviously upset as she is taking her emotions out on them, when the owner is not around.
I have spoken to the owner, and I thought she had taken my concerns seriously, but she is hardly ever there and when she is, she locks herself away in her office and is oblivious to the atmosphere, which is, quelle surprise, quite different when she is there!
As an update to this blog, it appears ‘someone’ has cancelled all my appointments from September onwards – I’m booked until Christmas. The girls spotted this and they have now been put back in. A further update, it also appears that this moody, sulky, poor me atmosphere has transferred from her previous salon.
Why do we never learn and take up references, or indeed, employ secret shoppers?
Roll out the other sheet exactly the same, and cover the pie and trim. Brush with your chosen glaze and oven cook for at least twenty minutes in your Aga,middle shelf with cold shelf above, or it will burn, an electric oven at 200 degrees or gas Mark 4 until golden. Serve with a sprinkling of the muscavado sugar if desired and custard, cream or ice cream. Enjoy!
Parr Excellance 